Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Excerpts of a Letter I Wrote to Matthew's Birth Parents

TO: Matthew's Birth Parents
FROM: A Grateful Mom

Where do I even begin?

Because of you, my child exists, draws breath, smiles, cries, hopes, and dreams.

Because of you, Matthew is a beautiful person, inside and out. He has inherited genetic traits and characteristics of both of you—and although I may never meet you, I can only imagine how beautiful you, yourselves, must then be!

Because of you, my child walks on this Earth and will make such a positive, joyful contribution to ensuring that future generations also walk on this same Earth, look up at this same sky, and still enjoy and revel in nature’s gifts and God’s miracles.

The connection that all of us, as human beings, have to one another is quite extraordinary. We are forever linked...we have this incredible child as our common connection.

After having made this incredibly difficult decision, your feelings of loss must be overwhelming and quite painful. But I know that you had your reasons for doing this. You made a thoughtful, conscious choice that was practical and in Matthew's best interests. Every day, I give thanks that your decision (in all of its painful finality) allowed me to have the child I’ve longed for all my life.

I hope that you know just how seriously Jeff and I take the responsibility you have bestowed upon us, in allowing us to raise Matthew as our own and be the person he will call “Mom” and “Dad.” What an incredible and humbling honor! Matthew Seong-jin will always know that he has not only Mom and Dad, but also a birth mother and a birth father, in this world. Our child will always know that he came to us out of a love so incredibly vast and deep, it can never be fully explained, perhaps, until he becomes a parent himself. The love that it takes to let sends shivers up my spine. I honor you, and I bow to you with deep respect and admiration and tremendous gratitude.

As Matthew's mom, I can promise you this:

We will surround Matthew with light and love, every day of his life--and long after we are gone. We will be eternally available to him.

We will instill in him a strong sense of confidence, high self-esteem, fun, joy, and warmth, and we will help him see that above ALL ELSE, he is loved. Indeed, we are a family that loves to laugh and play. Matthew will see that for himself soon enough!

Matthew's role will be, simply, to be a child! To laugh and jump into piles of raked leaves in autumn and makes snow angels in winter. To try to touch the sky with his feet while on the swing set. To know joy and happiness, and to have a strong sense that this is definitely where he belongs in life. To make our day simply by smiling at us.

I write this letter with so many feelings: tremendous respect, sadness for your situation (whatever it is that led you to this brave choice), happiness for us and Matthew, and a genuine wish that your life, as you move forward from this day, will be full of music, laughter, loved ones, and happy times. Both of you are a blessing from God, and the best gift that my world has ever received. So if you ever doubt for a moment this decision, please remember the words I’m sharing with you today.

I wish you the best, and please know that all of us--Jeff, Matthew, myself--will always be thanking you, and honoring you, and remembering you from the depths of our hearts. You made it possible for us to be a family, and for that I’m not sure that I can ever say enough.

With great love and deep respect,

Kathleen (Matthew's Mom)

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