So, people are asking me, these days, exactly what is the hold-up now? I bet you think I have an answer for you here. Well, I don't, really. But I do have a lot of thoughts on this topic--thoughts that actually create more questions--so read on if you're interested in my ramblings. It contains some nuggets buried somewhere in there, I think!
The short answer to the above question is: It's all bureaucracy and paperwork, folks. These things take time.
And here's the long answer (rambly interpretations begin now):
People laugh when they hear that Kathleen the Anal-Retentive, Detail-Oriented Editor isn't all that detail-oriented in other aspects of her life. Including our adoption. Here's my little secret: I may seem like an adoption expert to some, but the truth is, I don't really know HOW this whole adoption process works, beyond the step that we are involved in at any given time. It's hard enough to focus on the step we're currently involved in, much less worry about the steps beyond that.
I do know that the parties involved include us, Catholic Charities (our local agency), Holt Korea (our international agency), the United States, South Korea, the foster family, Matthew's birth parents, and of course Matthew. We all do a whole bunch of paper-swapping and as soon as all of that gets done, Matthew gets to come home to us. That's a whole lot of parties, so it's no wonder it takes years to move through this adoption journey! It's a series of small steps that has one giant reward waiting at the end.
Bring on the small steps!
I honestly think it would be more painful and frustrating for me to be sweating the small stuff...I'm just not interested in doing that. The wait HAS gotten harder, not easier, which admittedly surprised me. But I continue to live my life: go to work, teach my yoga, take my yoga, go running, go walking with Jeff and Jupiter, read my books (these days, they're all on parenting and Korean culture!), continue to organize/decorate the nursery, go to book club (don't think I'm going to get to this month's book, though), sing in choir, get together with friends for dinner ("do it now!" people tell me), go to the movies (again, "do it now!"), and the list goes on. It keeps me sane, not worrying about too, too many details in this whole adoption process. I have many other friends who are just the opposite, and that's great. It's all perfect just the way it is. This is just my way of dealing with stuff. In yoga, we talk a lot about "letting go"--not just of things we CAN control but things we can't. The way I see it is, if I know too much (e.g., "His file is on so-and-so's desk in Korea! Once that Korean official signs it, Matthew can come home!") then I'm going to worry too much (e.g., "It's been 2 weeks! Did it get buried by other papers? Did that Korean official forget to sign it? What if it got lost? What if? What if? What if?"). So, deep breath...and let it go. Good things will come.
So, instead of dwelling in the land of "what if," I'm choosing to live in the present moment, which is so filled with blessings RIGHT NOW: good friends, Jeff and I laughing at Jupiter's antics, family members who keep calling (upon hearing the latest updates and seeing the latest photos) with such excitement and love in their voices, tons of good friends, a great job with tons of great friends who I love to work with every day, and of course, yoga. Life in its present moment is so juicy and sweet--that's where I choose to reside. I know that God and the Universe will bless us with Matthew soon enough. For now, for whatever reason, this is where we are supposed to be...in this in-between kind of "waiting place." Maybe sometimes it's hard because of its nature as an "in-between" kind of place. Maybe the "waiting" place is some sort of incubator for the love and affection we'll be SO ready to bestow on Matthew by the time he arrives this fall! We're heating it up and making it nice and warm and cozy ("just right") for when he gets here! Maybe, just maybe, for adoptive families, this is part of our rite of passage. So many maybe's, but Matthew himself? Now, he's a definite! Brings to mind that song, "I've got your love to keep me warm." Jeff and I definitely have all of YOU to thank--indeed, your love and support during this whole process is what we've had to keep us warm--and sane!
Don't mind me. This is turning into kind of a stream-of-consciousness piece. My mind is going in all these wacky random directions, as I sit here munching my turkey sandwich and writing away.
What I'm trying to say is, I honestly can't tell ya WHAT, exactly, is happening in Korea and with USCIS; all that I know is I do what I'm told, fill out the required forms, go to get the required re-fingerprinting, etc.
And by the way, I've given up trying to make rote government officials laugh. It just doesn't work.
And in my next blog (which will immediately follow this one, for I've lingered too long in this space), I'll provide an answer that may clear up some of the fog you are feeling surrounding "what is going on" and "why can't he come home yet?"
Stay tuned...and keep reading about our journey to bring our little buddha home!
KKH
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Received an Update on Matthew (With Photos!)
Hello, everyone. Happy Random Tuesday. We have some good news: Although I can't post the photos here, we got an update on Matthew today. The update was as of a few weeks ago. Overall, he's doing GREAT, developmentally and medically. He is huge...22 pounds (at 5 months old). Yikes, I need to hit that gym hard! Need to stay on top of my yoga and weight lifting if I'm going to be carting him around!
A medical/developmental update is being mailed to us (haven't gotten that yet). And they emailed us three new photos. The first one is of him sitting in the corner of the crib, behind this giant stuffed bear that is kind of propping him up. He's got the chunkiest little legs and arms...and this adorable double-chin! Double chins are so cute on babies! His hair is as spikey as ever, and he's sporting this white tank top and dark blue little jean shorts. Looks like my perfect little Buddha! The second photo is a close-up of him laughing...it's great...you can see all the way inside his toothless little mouth! And the last one is him on his belly, zoomed close in to his face and his little lips are pursed. He is SO ADORABLE! We're thrilled to have gotten another update...it's exactly what we were hoping for.
I'm busy preparing a package to send to him. I put together a small photo book of us, our house, and all of our extended family members (siblings, spouses, cousins, and grandparents). I think it does a good job of showing him, and his foster family, just what a happy life he will have with us and just how fiercely we love him already! And how much fun he'll have with his cousins, who absolutely can't wait to meet him! I'm also sending him a blanket, and I'll probably write a small note to the foster family. That's it. Keeping it simple.
I already have my order in for prints (in various formats/sizes) of these latest three photos. Went today at lunch. I can finally vary the framed photos in our house (which are currently all of the same two photos).
I am over the moon. Up, up, and over the moon.
We were at Babies R Us last night, selecting a rocker and ottoman combo to register for. Check that off the list!
That's all for now. If anyone wants to see the new photos (who hasn't seen them yet), drop me a line at khalverson@asha.org and I'll email them to you. I am allowed to email them; just can't post them on public or even quasi-public sites like Facebook or blogs. (And with many of you, that's our primary form of communication these days!) I haven't gotten around to a large group email, but I'll be working on it soon!
Lots of love,
Kathleen
(MATTHEW'S MOM!!!!!!!!!!!! I love saying that)
A medical/developmental update is being mailed to us (haven't gotten that yet). And they emailed us three new photos. The first one is of him sitting in the corner of the crib, behind this giant stuffed bear that is kind of propping him up. He's got the chunkiest little legs and arms...and this adorable double-chin! Double chins are so cute on babies! His hair is as spikey as ever, and he's sporting this white tank top and dark blue little jean shorts. Looks like my perfect little Buddha! The second photo is a close-up of him laughing...it's great...you can see all the way inside his toothless little mouth! And the last one is him on his belly, zoomed close in to his face and his little lips are pursed. He is SO ADORABLE! We're thrilled to have gotten another update...it's exactly what we were hoping for.
I'm busy preparing a package to send to him. I put together a small photo book of us, our house, and all of our extended family members (siblings, spouses, cousins, and grandparents). I think it does a good job of showing him, and his foster family, just what a happy life he will have with us and just how fiercely we love him already! And how much fun he'll have with his cousins, who absolutely can't wait to meet him! I'm also sending him a blanket, and I'll probably write a small note to the foster family. That's it. Keeping it simple.
I already have my order in for prints (in various formats/sizes) of these latest three photos. Went today at lunch. I can finally vary the framed photos in our house (which are currently all of the same two photos).
I am over the moon. Up, up, and over the moon.
We were at Babies R Us last night, selecting a rocker and ottoman combo to register for. Check that off the list!
That's all for now. If anyone wants to see the new photos (who hasn't seen them yet), drop me a line at khalverson@asha.org and I'll email them to you. I am allowed to email them; just can't post them on public or even quasi-public sites like Facebook or blogs. (And with many of you, that's our primary form of communication these days!) I haven't gotten around to a large group email, but I'll be working on it soon!
Lots of love,
Kathleen
(MATTHEW'S MOM!!!!!!!!!!!! I love saying that)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Re-Fingerprinting, Love at Face Value, and Hip Clothes
RE-FINGERPRINTING (THE SCOOP)
I realized that I forgot to tell you why we were there (see last post): We were getting re-fingerprinted at CIS, as our last set of fingerprints (taken in early 2008) had expired. I didn't realize that fingerprints "expire." What's up with that? Once a whorl, always a whorl, right? Maybe not. Hey, to paraphrase Bob Dylan, we're only pawns in the game. If little moments like these are what it takes to bring Matthew home, bring it on.
As we sat there in the empty row of plastic chairs in Wheaton and waited to get called, I was bummed b/c I didn't bring a book and Jeff did: He was reading about climate change; it looked to be a dissertation-like nonfiction book. Gee, what a surprise. (NOT!) I, on the other hand, if I had my druthers, would have been absorbed in the David Sedaris book I'm currently reading, which is called When You Are Engulfed in Flames and is HILARIOUS. I was so bummed I forgot my book. My ADD kicks way in, and I just go crazy sitting there.
But nothing else to do, so I just sat there.
LOVE AT FACE VALUE
Cell phones are not allowed to be on, so not even texting can happen. I eventually pulled out my photos of Matthew to remind myself of why we were there, and it made the wait go by faster. Just looking at his sweet little lips and closed eyes and spikey black hair. I am so in love with him already! How can that be? I don't know, but it just is. I'm just going to take this love at face value and not try to figure out why I love him like crazy even though he's essentially a stranger half a world away who I have yet to meet and hold and snuggle. And I don't just love the "idea" of him: I love HIM! The universe works in wild and wonderful ways, and I still feel like the luckiest lady on earth. Our blessings are so abundant, and I am so thankful.
ONE HIP LITTLE BOY
On an entirely different note, we went to our friend Kellie and Reed's house on Sunday and inherited a wonderful pile of little boy clothes. Matthew's closet is just about bursting at the seams, and we are loving it! Who needs new when you have gently used/fiercely loved clothes? Kellie and Reed's boys, Calvin and Nolan, are two hip little dudes, and it just thrills me to no end that Matthew will be following in their footsteps. He will perhaps be the most well-dressed little boy in Olney! I think I have to start coming up with Creative Closet solutions (right now, it's just one big rack, straight across, and it's jam-packed from L to R with clothes). His dresser is almost entirely full.
I know, I know...welcome to parenthood, where your kids become the well-dressed ones and Mom and Dad just make do with those jeans from 1992. Right? (Now, if only I can get those 1992 jeans to FIT me...)
I'll blog again soon! Peace out, my friends!
I realized that I forgot to tell you why we were there (see last post): We were getting re-fingerprinted at CIS, as our last set of fingerprints (taken in early 2008) had expired. I didn't realize that fingerprints "expire." What's up with that? Once a whorl, always a whorl, right? Maybe not. Hey, to paraphrase Bob Dylan, we're only pawns in the game. If little moments like these are what it takes to bring Matthew home, bring it on.
As we sat there in the empty row of plastic chairs in Wheaton and waited to get called, I was bummed b/c I didn't bring a book and Jeff did: He was reading about climate change; it looked to be a dissertation-like nonfiction book. Gee, what a surprise. (NOT!) I, on the other hand, if I had my druthers, would have been absorbed in the David Sedaris book I'm currently reading, which is called When You Are Engulfed in Flames and is HILARIOUS. I was so bummed I forgot my book. My ADD kicks way in, and I just go crazy sitting there.
But nothing else to do, so I just sat there.
LOVE AT FACE VALUE
Cell phones are not allowed to be on, so not even texting can happen. I eventually pulled out my photos of Matthew to remind myself of why we were there, and it made the wait go by faster. Just looking at his sweet little lips and closed eyes and spikey black hair. I am so in love with him already! How can that be? I don't know, but it just is. I'm just going to take this love at face value and not try to figure out why I love him like crazy even though he's essentially a stranger half a world away who I have yet to meet and hold and snuggle. And I don't just love the "idea" of him: I love HIM! The universe works in wild and wonderful ways, and I still feel like the luckiest lady on earth. Our blessings are so abundant, and I am so thankful.
ONE HIP LITTLE BOY
On an entirely different note, we went to our friend Kellie and Reed's house on Sunday and inherited a wonderful pile of little boy clothes. Matthew's closet is just about bursting at the seams, and we are loving it! Who needs new when you have gently used/fiercely loved clothes? Kellie and Reed's boys, Calvin and Nolan, are two hip little dudes, and it just thrills me to no end that Matthew will be following in their footsteps. He will perhaps be the most well-dressed little boy in Olney! I think I have to start coming up with Creative Closet solutions (right now, it's just one big rack, straight across, and it's jam-packed from L to R with clothes). His dresser is almost entirely full.
I know, I know...welcome to parenthood, where your kids become the well-dressed ones and Mom and Dad just make do with those jeans from 1992. Right? (Now, if only I can get those 1992 jeans to FIT me...)
I'll blog again soon! Peace out, my friends!
"Thornberry Land"
Nothing like an exciting Thursday morning at the Customs and Immigration Service (CIS) to remind me how thankful I am to have the job that I do. I do not envy those people working there. They needed an injection of humor, and try as I may, I could NOT get that fingerprint man to laugh, make eye contact, or talk "unofficially." I did appreciate his efficiency, though! I want to give him this compliment up front, as a kind of caveat for what comes next...
One kind of funny, classic "bureaucratic" moment did happen: Apparently, according to CIS, my address is Thornberry LAND, not Thornberry LANE. News to me! What a glorious place Thornberry Land sounds like! A land of castles and knights and rolling green valleys. A land of milk and honey. Why, in Thornberry Land, we wouldn't just have "a house." We'd have multiple: In fact, we'd have castles and kingdoms and serfs and stuff! Live entertainment at the castle on Friday nights...beer (or "mead") on the house. This "Land" language is definitely not reflective of good old Thornberry Lane in Olney, MD!
Anyway, continuing on(I am having such fun with this; can ya tell?)...
After he had finished "rolling my pads" (that's, ya know, "fingerprint speak"), he asked me to verify what was on his screen (first name, last name, address, SSN, etc.). I politely corrected the address, indicating that "Land" needed to be changed to "Lane."
WELL, with the knowing glint of a bureaucrat in his eye, he picked up my letter (we received this a few days ago and couldn't come to CIS without this authorization letter) and pointed knowingly to the top left corner, where it indeed said "Land." He said to me, tapping it with his finger and a knowing smirk, eyebrows raised, "But the letter says it's 'Land'!" And he kind of crossed his arms, nodded, stood back, and "harrumphed." As if to say, "So, that's it. We're done with this!"
I smiled my most polite, courteous, innocent smile and leaned in toward him (probably scared the poor guy half to death, proferring such intimacy in an otherwise stark and barren office), saying "But sir, I think I know my own mailing address, and this is incorrect. Look at what it says on my driver's license." [insert innocent smile] He studied it and replied, his voice going up a notch, "You didn't catch this earlier, when you got the letter?" [insert stern face, like a father scolding a child] "Um, no," I said. (But even so, what would I have done with such info? Not come?) I replied, "But considering that the letter made it to my house, that's probably why I didn't think to check whether the address was right."
He kind of sighed, mumbled to himself, and then took the necessary action to switch his database to "edit" mode or whatever, which would enable him to correct the address. You could tell this was a step not normally taken. He corrected it, clicked "save," and asked me to once again verify.
Score one for the people!
Then I was done, and the next person to be called was Jeff. Jeff also apparently lived in Thornberry Land. "Here we go again," I thought. This guy is gonna LOVE us! Jeff's application, too, had to be corrected.
We got it all straighted out, and CIS has officially reinstated our residing on Thornberry Lane.
That Thornberry Land place, though: Gosh, it sure sounded like a nice kingdom to visit.
One kind of funny, classic "bureaucratic" moment did happen: Apparently, according to CIS, my address is Thornberry LAND, not Thornberry LANE. News to me! What a glorious place Thornberry Land sounds like! A land of castles and knights and rolling green valleys. A land of milk and honey. Why, in Thornberry Land, we wouldn't just have "a house." We'd have multiple: In fact, we'd have castles and kingdoms and serfs and stuff! Live entertainment at the castle on Friday nights...beer (or "mead") on the house. This "Land" language is definitely not reflective of good old Thornberry Lane in Olney, MD!
Anyway, continuing on(I am having such fun with this; can ya tell?)...
After he had finished "rolling my pads" (that's, ya know, "fingerprint speak"), he asked me to verify what was on his screen (first name, last name, address, SSN, etc.). I politely corrected the address, indicating that "Land" needed to be changed to "Lane."
WELL, with the knowing glint of a bureaucrat in his eye, he picked up my letter (we received this a few days ago and couldn't come to CIS without this authorization letter) and pointed knowingly to the top left corner, where it indeed said "Land." He said to me, tapping it with his finger and a knowing smirk, eyebrows raised, "But the letter says it's 'Land'!" And he kind of crossed his arms, nodded, stood back, and "harrumphed." As if to say, "So, that's it. We're done with this!"
I smiled my most polite, courteous, innocent smile and leaned in toward him (probably scared the poor guy half to death, proferring such intimacy in an otherwise stark and barren office), saying "But sir, I think I know my own mailing address, and this is incorrect. Look at what it says on my driver's license." [insert innocent smile] He studied it and replied, his voice going up a notch, "You didn't catch this earlier, when you got the letter?" [insert stern face, like a father scolding a child] "Um, no," I said. (But even so, what would I have done with such info? Not come?) I replied, "But considering that the letter made it to my house, that's probably why I didn't think to check whether the address was right."
He kind of sighed, mumbled to himself, and then took the necessary action to switch his database to "edit" mode or whatever, which would enable him to correct the address. You could tell this was a step not normally taken. He corrected it, clicked "save," and asked me to once again verify.
Score one for the people!
Then I was done, and the next person to be called was Jeff. Jeff also apparently lived in Thornberry Land. "Here we go again," I thought. This guy is gonna LOVE us! Jeff's application, too, had to be corrected.
We got it all straighted out, and CIS has officially reinstated our residing on Thornberry Lane.
That Thornberry Land place, though: Gosh, it sure sounded like a nice kingdom to visit.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Timeline and Paperwork Process From Here
I forgot to say that he's coming home to us, probably, this fall: October or November! They estimate 3-4 months, probably closer to 4.
I also forgot to see that from Friday, July 17, to Thursday, July 23, we didn't have a photo! We were absolutely dying, and six days couldn't pass soon enough! Thank goodness we were at the beach on vacation, so we were pleasantly distracted for those six days (kayaking, biking, beaching, hopping waves, making sandcastles, reading books, etc.). We drove from Bethany to Baltimore and back on Thursday, to meet with Margie and to pick up Matthew's file and of course, see his ADORABLE photo! It was a great day. The only day it rained our entire beach week (perfect!). We found a great organic soup restaurant--mmmmm....fresh, homemade soups and vegetarian sandwiches, operated out of a converted Baltimore row house near our adoption agency. It was absolutely charming. Cold rooibos tea and a wonderful mozzarella caprese sandwich on the freshest bread EVER! Jeff had a white bean soup that was too garlicky for his taste, but it sure looked good to me. And we found a great organic market right next door (we had some time to kill before meeting with Margie). ANYWAY, I digress!
I dropped Matthew's photos and medical paperwork off at our new pediatrician's office on Monday afternoon: a Dr. Elaine Lee in Olney. She and her partner, Dr. David Miller, came highly recommended to us. I hope we like them! The front office staff was great, which sometimes is the most important thing, as they are the only "gateway" to the doc! They were so friendly, and they were passing around Matthew's photos, oohing and aahing and saying how cute he was. They have been very accommodating, as Dr. Lee will be away on vacation starting next week but we really need her to do this review by week's end, so we're meeting with her tomorrow morning at 9:00. They managed to squeeze us in. I don't expect her to have any concerns, but our caseworker said it's a good idea to just meet with her regardless, to get a sense of her and to interact with her, b/c establishing a good relationship with your pediatrician early on is so important.
We've also started the process of getting re-fingerprinted with Customs and Immigration Service (CIS). We had to send an email to some DHS office, and supposedly they will snail-mail us an authorization letter that will allow us to appear at the CIS office (it's in Wheaton, MD, near Glenmont metro, for those of you in the DC/BALT area). You get a one-time free re-fingerprinting, so thank goodness no exorbitant fee this time! (The first time was quite exorbitant just so they could roll your finger pads on a computer screen!) Of course, we still have to endure the long line, but that's OK. We can live with that.
And of course there is yet another mound of paperwork that I'm not even complaining about, as completing it brings us ever closer to Matthew. How's that for motivation? LOL!
I am taking 3 months' maternity leave, and Jeff is taking 1 month. Then, when I go back to work, Jeff will be on paid sabbatical for the spring 2010 semester! He does have to do work, but he doesn't have to teach, which is huge, and he's not expected to be physically there. So, Matthew will be doing part-time Daddy Day Care, part-time regular day care from Jan to June 2010. Then from July on, he'll be in full-time daycare (or nanny care; not sure yet). I'm following some nanny leads but I'm not sure we can afford a nanny, and I may be way too early to pursue nanny leads at this point. Even the day care centers are telling me to call them closer to the date. I'm telling them July 2010 and they're looking at me like I have six heads. I guess there is such a thing as being OVERprepared!
They say that we can send Matthew small gifts, starting now! So I'm going to find him a little stuffed lovey or something, and a blanket, and I'm also going to make him up a little scrapbook with everyone's photos, so his foster mom can show him our pictures and familiarize him with his new and forever family! Then when he comes to us in the fall, they supposedly send those things back with him! We can also write letters to his original foster family in Busan as well as his birthparents, so I'll be doing that as well in the coming weeks. I am so thankful for his birthmother! Her presence in the world enabled us to have our son! She is constantly in my thoughts these days. I have so much respect for her and the incredibly selfless thing that she and the birthfather did in making an adoption plan for Matthew. I think birth parents get a bad rap, overall. It's an incredibly responsible, mature decision to come to, and probably one that they did not come to lightly.
That's all for now. I have to get back to work. These are the most details I've provided thus far, as this venue just feels more "right" for all the intricate details (versus mucking up my email messages with too much info). So some of what I've been saying is repetitive, and you may already know it, but this is by far the most detailed account of our life since July 17, 2009! What a ride it's been!
I am so, so happy!
I also forgot to see that from Friday, July 17, to Thursday, July 23, we didn't have a photo! We were absolutely dying, and six days couldn't pass soon enough! Thank goodness we were at the beach on vacation, so we were pleasantly distracted for those six days (kayaking, biking, beaching, hopping waves, making sandcastles, reading books, etc.). We drove from Bethany to Baltimore and back on Thursday, to meet with Margie and to pick up Matthew's file and of course, see his ADORABLE photo! It was a great day. The only day it rained our entire beach week (perfect!). We found a great organic soup restaurant--mmmmm....fresh, homemade soups and vegetarian sandwiches, operated out of a converted Baltimore row house near our adoption agency. It was absolutely charming. Cold rooibos tea and a wonderful mozzarella caprese sandwich on the freshest bread EVER! Jeff had a white bean soup that was too garlicky for his taste, but it sure looked good to me. And we found a great organic market right next door (we had some time to kill before meeting with Margie). ANYWAY, I digress!
I dropped Matthew's photos and medical paperwork off at our new pediatrician's office on Monday afternoon: a Dr. Elaine Lee in Olney. She and her partner, Dr. David Miller, came highly recommended to us. I hope we like them! The front office staff was great, which sometimes is the most important thing, as they are the only "gateway" to the doc! They were so friendly, and they were passing around Matthew's photos, oohing and aahing and saying how cute he was. They have been very accommodating, as Dr. Lee will be away on vacation starting next week but we really need her to do this review by week's end, so we're meeting with her tomorrow morning at 9:00. They managed to squeeze us in. I don't expect her to have any concerns, but our caseworker said it's a good idea to just meet with her regardless, to get a sense of her and to interact with her, b/c establishing a good relationship with your pediatrician early on is so important.
We've also started the process of getting re-fingerprinted with Customs and Immigration Service (CIS). We had to send an email to some DHS office, and supposedly they will snail-mail us an authorization letter that will allow us to appear at the CIS office (it's in Wheaton, MD, near Glenmont metro, for those of you in the DC/BALT area). You get a one-time free re-fingerprinting, so thank goodness no exorbitant fee this time! (The first time was quite exorbitant just so they could roll your finger pads on a computer screen!) Of course, we still have to endure the long line, but that's OK. We can live with that.
And of course there is yet another mound of paperwork that I'm not even complaining about, as completing it brings us ever closer to Matthew. How's that for motivation? LOL!
I am taking 3 months' maternity leave, and Jeff is taking 1 month. Then, when I go back to work, Jeff will be on paid sabbatical for the spring 2010 semester! He does have to do work, but he doesn't have to teach, which is huge, and he's not expected to be physically there. So, Matthew will be doing part-time Daddy Day Care, part-time regular day care from Jan to June 2010. Then from July on, he'll be in full-time daycare (or nanny care; not sure yet). I'm following some nanny leads but I'm not sure we can afford a nanny, and I may be way too early to pursue nanny leads at this point. Even the day care centers are telling me to call them closer to the date. I'm telling them July 2010 and they're looking at me like I have six heads. I guess there is such a thing as being OVERprepared!
They say that we can send Matthew small gifts, starting now! So I'm going to find him a little stuffed lovey or something, and a blanket, and I'm also going to make him up a little scrapbook with everyone's photos, so his foster mom can show him our pictures and familiarize him with his new and forever family! Then when he comes to us in the fall, they supposedly send those things back with him! We can also write letters to his original foster family in Busan as well as his birthparents, so I'll be doing that as well in the coming weeks. I am so thankful for his birthmother! Her presence in the world enabled us to have our son! She is constantly in my thoughts these days. I have so much respect for her and the incredibly selfless thing that she and the birthfather did in making an adoption plan for Matthew. I think birth parents get a bad rap, overall. It's an incredibly responsible, mature decision to come to, and probably one that they did not come to lightly.
That's all for now. I have to get back to work. These are the most details I've provided thus far, as this venue just feels more "right" for all the intricate details (versus mucking up my email messages with too much info). So some of what I've been saying is repetitive, and you may already know it, but this is by far the most detailed account of our life since July 17, 2009! What a ride it's been!
I am so, so happy!
Matthew Seong-jin Halverson
Hello, everyone! We have the greatest news: On Friday, July 17, 2009, at 5:45 p.m., we were matched with a baby boy from Korea! It was the day before we were leaving for Bethany Beach for a week, so we were able to tell my entire family in person (which wouldn't have been likely, b/c we are usually four hours away from any of them)! We called Jeff's parents immediately that evening, popped a bottle of champagne, and then (somehow) managed to resume our packing! Here's how it happened:
I got home from work at 5:30ish that Friday. My cell phone started ringing, and I saw it was from Margie, our caseworker. I picked it up, and she said, "Kathleen, are you and Jeff both there at home?" Of course, I knew immediately why she was calling! I said "Yes." She went on to explain that she had just called our home number but no one answered, which was weird b/c we were both there! Anyway, she said, "Hang tight. I'm going to call you back on the land line. Both of you pick up, OK?" So I hung up and my heart was frantically beating, and I could barely contain my excitement.
The home phone rang, and we both picked up a receiver. Margie gave us the best news we've probably heard in three years: They had a referral for us...a little boy named Seong-jin, which means "bright and true." He was born 3/2/09 and weighed 7 pounds, 11ounces. He is perfectly healthy, with round chubby cheeks and spikey black hair and gorgeous dark eyes! We got two photos (both of them taken when he was 12 days old): One head shot of him sleeping peacefully, a truly angelic look on his face. This photo speaks of peace, and it's my favorite of the two (even though his eyes are closed). The second photo is a full body shot, with him dressed in (literally) about 10 layers of clothing, so he looks like a bouncy little bowling ball. Margie said he has that "look" that says "10 layers" to her. Apparently, Korean parents like to keep their kids really, really, REALLY bundled up, convinced that they are always cold. Or at least, that's my guess. I can't post the photos here, as we signed an agreement saying we wouldn't post the photos to public or quasi-public sites such as Facebook, blogs, MySpace, YouTube, etc. If you'd like to see him, I can e-mail you his photo, no problem (that was cleared by our caseworker), so just let me know offline via e-mail and I'd be happy to show off our son!
We will rename him Matthew Seong-jin Halverson. Originally we were going to use the middle name of Christopher (in honor of the son we lost to stillbirth in 2006), but we do think it's important to preserve some of his Korean heritage by using his Korean name as his middle name. I think Christopher would understand, and he knows that he is remembered always in our hearts! The guilt factor kicked in for a few days, but in talking it out with Jeff, I saw that this decision was the right one to make. It doesn't mean we love Christopher any less, or Matthew any more. And his name would have been too long had we included Christopher after Seong-jin, which we were originally going to do.
Matthew Seong-jin is from the city of Busan, in southeastern Korea; Busan is a very urban, bustling port city of 3.66 million people. It's a very tropical area of Korea; Jeff said the climate probably has a Florida kind of feel. It reminds me of Hawaii or coastal Maine (two of my favorite places!), in that the base of the mountains jut right up against the shoreline--which is one of my absolute favorite geographical features ever! Best of both worlds! So you can go hiking high in the mountains and then chill out on the beach or hang out at the pier, all in the same day! And they say that people from Busan speak in a different type of Korean dialect that the Koreans from Seoul (which is northwest of Busan) have trouble understanding the folks from Busan sometimes. Busan is supposedly a more industrial, blue-collar city (maybe comparable to Baltimore or Pittsburgh, I'd guess?), whereas Seoul is more white-collar corporate (think Washingon, DC, or NYC). At least, this is my supposition based on the reading I've been doing. ANYWAY...
I'm not sure if people know where our choice of the name Matthew came from. It's kind of a cool story, admittedly a little "out there" for folks who are firmly grounded on Planet Earth (which often I am not!).
I could earn brownie points with my mom and tell you that it is in honor of St. Matthew from the Bible, but I'd be lying. Truth is, I wrote a poem (most of you know I'm a closet poet/journal writer and have been keeping a journal of random writings and tons of poems since I was about 12), years and years ago, before Jeff and I were even sure we wanted kids at all. It was called "I AM AT THE WINDOW." Look Letters 3 through 9; they spell "MATTHEW." Pretty cool, huh?!? And the poem was essentially about the fact that I felt his presence, our child, waiting at the window of our lives, and I knew he'd be coming to us someday. It was the beginning of my yearning to be a mom, and I haven't stopped since.
So now, all of a sudden, my friends are asking for invite lists for showers, and my family is planning a Welcome Home Matthew party for sometime in the Dec/Jan/Feb timeframe (depending on a lot of things--his/our adjustment, readiness for travel to PA, his personality, etc.). And all of a sudden, happiness just fills my heart with the most intense, shining light that I think my soul has ever felt. There is a sense of optimism, of true, unfettered hope, and a sense of gratefulness for the blessing that has come to our life in the form of our son.
I'll blog separately about the various "next steps" in terms of paperwork. This posting is getting entirely too long.
If I find the poem, I'll consider posting it, although I'm usually very private about sharing my poetry with others.
Thanks for listening, thanks for checking back on this blog time and time again, and thanks for giving me the feeling that people really are reading my blog postings and really do care about our whole adoption journey. This is Posting #75, a nice memorable number whose significance I'll determine somehow (I'm pretty superstitious about numbers).
I keep listening to Sarah MacLachlan's song "Ordinary Miracle" and thinking how right that feels.
"It's not that unusual, when everything is beautiful, it's just another ordinary miracle...today.
The sky knows when it's time to snow, don't need to teach a seed to grow, it's just another ordinary miracle today.
Life is like a gift they say, wrapped up for you everyday. Open up and find a way to give some of your own.
Isn't it remarkable? Like every time a raindrop falls? It's just another ordinary miracle today.
Birds are meant to have their fling, they always make it all while spring, it's just another ordinary miracle today.
When you wake up every day, please don't throw yoru dreams away.
Hold them close to your heart. Because we are all a part
of the ordinary miracle...
Do you want to see a miracle?
It seems so exeptional that things just work out after all; it's just another ordinary miracle today.
The sun comes up and shines so bright, and disappears again at night.
It's just another ordinary miracle today."
I am so humbled by our son Matthew and the incredible blessing and gift that his remarkable, selfless birthparents gave to us in giving him life. May he always be protected and guided throughout his life, and may we be protected and guided as we navigate this incredible journey called parenthood.
I feel so blessed, my friends. So very, very, very blessed. Putting the magnitude of this feeling into words is simply impossible for me to do.
People keep telling Jeff and I how lucky Matthew is and how selfless we are. On the contrary, we feel like WE are the lucky ones. WE are the blessed ones. Matthew Seong-jin is a gift and a miracle, plain and simple. And we already love him beyond any description that warrants words. May God and the universe protect him and guide him to us safely in the coming months.
I got home from work at 5:30ish that Friday. My cell phone started ringing, and I saw it was from Margie, our caseworker. I picked it up, and she said, "Kathleen, are you and Jeff both there at home?" Of course, I knew immediately why she was calling! I said "Yes." She went on to explain that she had just called our home number but no one answered, which was weird b/c we were both there! Anyway, she said, "Hang tight. I'm going to call you back on the land line. Both of you pick up, OK?" So I hung up and my heart was frantically beating, and I could barely contain my excitement.
The home phone rang, and we both picked up a receiver. Margie gave us the best news we've probably heard in three years: They had a referral for us...a little boy named Seong-jin, which means "bright and true." He was born 3/2/09 and weighed 7 pounds, 11ounces. He is perfectly healthy, with round chubby cheeks and spikey black hair and gorgeous dark eyes! We got two photos (both of them taken when he was 12 days old): One head shot of him sleeping peacefully, a truly angelic look on his face. This photo speaks of peace, and it's my favorite of the two (even though his eyes are closed). The second photo is a full body shot, with him dressed in (literally) about 10 layers of clothing, so he looks like a bouncy little bowling ball. Margie said he has that "look" that says "10 layers" to her. Apparently, Korean parents like to keep their kids really, really, REALLY bundled up, convinced that they are always cold. Or at least, that's my guess. I can't post the photos here, as we signed an agreement saying we wouldn't post the photos to public or quasi-public sites such as Facebook, blogs, MySpace, YouTube, etc. If you'd like to see him, I can e-mail you his photo, no problem (that was cleared by our caseworker), so just let me know offline via e-mail and I'd be happy to show off our son!
We will rename him Matthew Seong-jin Halverson. Originally we were going to use the middle name of Christopher (in honor of the son we lost to stillbirth in 2006), but we do think it's important to preserve some of his Korean heritage by using his Korean name as his middle name. I think Christopher would understand, and he knows that he is remembered always in our hearts! The guilt factor kicked in for a few days, but in talking it out with Jeff, I saw that this decision was the right one to make. It doesn't mean we love Christopher any less, or Matthew any more. And his name would have been too long had we included Christopher after Seong-jin, which we were originally going to do.
Matthew Seong-jin is from the city of Busan, in southeastern Korea; Busan is a very urban, bustling port city of 3.66 million people. It's a very tropical area of Korea; Jeff said the climate probably has a Florida kind of feel. It reminds me of Hawaii or coastal Maine (two of my favorite places!), in that the base of the mountains jut right up against the shoreline--which is one of my absolute favorite geographical features ever! Best of both worlds! So you can go hiking high in the mountains and then chill out on the beach or hang out at the pier, all in the same day! And they say that people from Busan speak in a different type of Korean dialect that the Koreans from Seoul (which is northwest of Busan) have trouble understanding the folks from Busan sometimes. Busan is supposedly a more industrial, blue-collar city (maybe comparable to Baltimore or Pittsburgh, I'd guess?), whereas Seoul is more white-collar corporate (think Washingon, DC, or NYC). At least, this is my supposition based on the reading I've been doing. ANYWAY...
I'm not sure if people know where our choice of the name Matthew came from. It's kind of a cool story, admittedly a little "out there" for folks who are firmly grounded on Planet Earth (which often I am not!).
I could earn brownie points with my mom and tell you that it is in honor of St. Matthew from the Bible, but I'd be lying. Truth is, I wrote a poem (most of you know I'm a closet poet/journal writer and have been keeping a journal of random writings and tons of poems since I was about 12), years and years ago, before Jeff and I were even sure we wanted kids at all. It was called "I AM AT THE WINDOW." Look Letters 3 through 9; they spell "MATTHEW." Pretty cool, huh?!? And the poem was essentially about the fact that I felt his presence, our child, waiting at the window of our lives, and I knew he'd be coming to us someday. It was the beginning of my yearning to be a mom, and I haven't stopped since.
So now, all of a sudden, my friends are asking for invite lists for showers, and my family is planning a Welcome Home Matthew party for sometime in the Dec/Jan/Feb timeframe (depending on a lot of things--his/our adjustment, readiness for travel to PA, his personality, etc.). And all of a sudden, happiness just fills my heart with the most intense, shining light that I think my soul has ever felt. There is a sense of optimism, of true, unfettered hope, and a sense of gratefulness for the blessing that has come to our life in the form of our son.
I'll blog separately about the various "next steps" in terms of paperwork. This posting is getting entirely too long.
If I find the poem, I'll consider posting it, although I'm usually very private about sharing my poetry with others.
Thanks for listening, thanks for checking back on this blog time and time again, and thanks for giving me the feeling that people really are reading my blog postings and really do care about our whole adoption journey. This is Posting #75, a nice memorable number whose significance I'll determine somehow (I'm pretty superstitious about numbers).
I keep listening to Sarah MacLachlan's song "Ordinary Miracle" and thinking how right that feels.
"It's not that unusual, when everything is beautiful, it's just another ordinary miracle...today.
The sky knows when it's time to snow, don't need to teach a seed to grow, it's just another ordinary miracle today.
Life is like a gift they say, wrapped up for you everyday. Open up and find a way to give some of your own.
Isn't it remarkable? Like every time a raindrop falls? It's just another ordinary miracle today.
Birds are meant to have their fling, they always make it all while spring, it's just another ordinary miracle today.
When you wake up every day, please don't throw yoru dreams away.
Hold them close to your heart. Because we are all a part
of the ordinary miracle...
Do you want to see a miracle?
It seems so exeptional that things just work out after all; it's just another ordinary miracle today.
The sun comes up and shines so bright, and disappears again at night.
It's just another ordinary miracle today."
I am so humbled by our son Matthew and the incredible blessing and gift that his remarkable, selfless birthparents gave to us in giving him life. May he always be protected and guided throughout his life, and may we be protected and guided as we navigate this incredible journey called parenthood.
I feel so blessed, my friends. So very, very, very blessed. Putting the magnitude of this feeling into words is simply impossible for me to do.
People keep telling Jeff and I how lucky Matthew is and how selfless we are. On the contrary, we feel like WE are the lucky ones. WE are the blessed ones. Matthew Seong-jin is a gift and a miracle, plain and simple. And we already love him beyond any description that warrants words. May God and the universe protect him and guide him to us safely in the coming months.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
No News Yet (But Getting Close!)
Hello, everyone. Wow, the last time I wrote was June 12. Sorry for the long gap. But no worries: Not much has happened, really. The biggest news to date is the fact that our dear friends Margaret and Tal got their referral a few weeks ago and are ready to welcome adorable little Michael to their family. Margaret tells me that they will be traveling to Korea sometime in the fall. They were supposed to make their big announcement at the parent support group meeting Tuesday night (and I was anxious to do a check-in, to see who, if anyone, might still be ahead of us), but it got cancelled b/c Catholic Charities was without power and phone, so they had to vacate. Oh, well. Next month!
Backing up: Margaret and Tal are close friends from our parent support group--and the only other couple in our playgroup who doesn't yet have their kids! So we tend to hang out with them a lot at playgroup, as neither couple has a kid to run after yet! They were the couple who we were kind of using as our "marker" or "landmark" or "milestone" (whatever you want to call it), because their paperwork was officially in Korea in March, just 3 months before ours was (our magic month is June). So, only a 3-month difference. I kept telling myself, all this time, "When Margaret and Tal get their referral, I know we'll be close...maybe even at the top of the list!" So their good news is OUR good news, too!
We are fairly certain that we are indeed "next," so keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming! We absolutely cannot wait to be matched with our little one and begin our life together. I think it's going to become so much more real once we get that referral and we have a photo to constantly look at (parents tell me that once you get that photo in your hand, you are looking at it a gazillion times a day and dreaming of the day when he will be in your arms) and background information on him. Right now, he's kind of "conceptual"--we know he's out there but we have no idea what he looks like, what region he comes from, etc. And I'm a visual person; I like to visualize, to have a person's face in my head. So I think, for me at least, our journey will become SO much more real once we learn who he is, what he looks like, his Korean name, etc. Then we can really start letting loose and not holding back our excitement. I do think that there is a level of "holding back" that is happening because we are afraid we'll jinx the journey, ya know?
My friend Debbie is getting ready to soon travel to Russia yet again (she already did the first trip and met her son Lucas at the orphanage), this time to stay for a longer time and to BRING HIM HOME! Not sure when it's going to happen but it's definitely going to be soon. She and I are taking an infant/adult CPR course this weekend at Holy Cross Hospital. It's a double-benefit for me, because with my yoga teaching, I really SHOULD be certified in CPR and can't believe I've waited this long to do it.
What else? Nothing really, that I can think of. Life is plodding along, ever busy, ever filled with activity. We were in NJ for the Fourth, visiting my brother. He lives in a lake community, so we watched fireworks on the lake shore there; it was the quinessential "small-town celebration" and was wonderful: Brought back good memories of growing up in my own small town in PA and going to the fireworks show at good ole Dunmore High (my alma mater).
We are heading to the beach next weekend, for a week, with my entire family (parents, siblings, spouses, and kids). We are staying in South Bethany (DE), in a large house that is literally spitting distance from the beach. We walk about 200 feet to the walkway that takes you to the beach! I can't wait to just chill out and spend some good quality time with my nieces Jessica, Anna, and Ava. Jessica is so excited; she keeps on saying "Aunt Kath, we're gonna be together for a WHOLE WEEK!" She's my little pal. We've started writing letters to each other back and forth via snail mail, so she can practice reading and writing her letters. She just loves getting letters that are addressed only to her...it's the cutest thing.
So, that's the latest update. Continue to check back on my blog regularly, because I really DO think this match is going to happen within the next two months or so!
Love and light to all...
Kathleen
Backing up: Margaret and Tal are close friends from our parent support group--and the only other couple in our playgroup who doesn't yet have their kids! So we tend to hang out with them a lot at playgroup, as neither couple has a kid to run after yet! They were the couple who we were kind of using as our "marker" or "landmark" or "milestone" (whatever you want to call it), because their paperwork was officially in Korea in March, just 3 months before ours was (our magic month is June). So, only a 3-month difference. I kept telling myself, all this time, "When Margaret and Tal get their referral, I know we'll be close...maybe even at the top of the list!" So their good news is OUR good news, too!
We are fairly certain that we are indeed "next," so keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming! We absolutely cannot wait to be matched with our little one and begin our life together. I think it's going to become so much more real once we get that referral and we have a photo to constantly look at (parents tell me that once you get that photo in your hand, you are looking at it a gazillion times a day and dreaming of the day when he will be in your arms) and background information on him. Right now, he's kind of "conceptual"--we know he's out there but we have no idea what he looks like, what region he comes from, etc. And I'm a visual person; I like to visualize, to have a person's face in my head. So I think, for me at least, our journey will become SO much more real once we learn who he is, what he looks like, his Korean name, etc. Then we can really start letting loose and not holding back our excitement. I do think that there is a level of "holding back" that is happening because we are afraid we'll jinx the journey, ya know?
My friend Debbie is getting ready to soon travel to Russia yet again (she already did the first trip and met her son Lucas at the orphanage), this time to stay for a longer time and to BRING HIM HOME! Not sure when it's going to happen but it's definitely going to be soon. She and I are taking an infant/adult CPR course this weekend at Holy Cross Hospital. It's a double-benefit for me, because with my yoga teaching, I really SHOULD be certified in CPR and can't believe I've waited this long to do it.
What else? Nothing really, that I can think of. Life is plodding along, ever busy, ever filled with activity. We were in NJ for the Fourth, visiting my brother. He lives in a lake community, so we watched fireworks on the lake shore there; it was the quinessential "small-town celebration" and was wonderful: Brought back good memories of growing up in my own small town in PA and going to the fireworks show at good ole Dunmore High (my alma mater).
We are heading to the beach next weekend, for a week, with my entire family (parents, siblings, spouses, and kids). We are staying in South Bethany (DE), in a large house that is literally spitting distance from the beach. We walk about 200 feet to the walkway that takes you to the beach! I can't wait to just chill out and spend some good quality time with my nieces Jessica, Anna, and Ava. Jessica is so excited; she keeps on saying "Aunt Kath, we're gonna be together for a WHOLE WEEK!" She's my little pal. We've started writing letters to each other back and forth via snail mail, so she can practice reading and writing her letters. She just loves getting letters that are addressed only to her...it's the cutest thing.
So, that's the latest update. Continue to check back on my blog regularly, because I really DO think this match is going to happen within the next two months or so!
Love and light to all...
Kathleen
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