Holiday Wishes to All

Wow, I can't believe 2008 is drawing to a close. Hard to believe it was almost a year ago when we first set foot in the doors of the Catholic Charities office in downtown Baltimore and began our life-changing journey toward becoming a family.

This year has been a truly great year, if not a bit of a whirlwind, and I've learned so many things: Most important, I've learned that I really CAN be patient about certain things. So far, Jeff and I have handled "the wait" like real champs, if I do say so myself. And it's been incredibly touching, how many people have been asking us, again and again, how it's going. It's nice to know that so many of you are thinking of us, asking about us, and praying for us as we continue on this somewhat mysterious path toward parenthood. And with many of you, even the most minute of details don't seem to bore you, as I go on and on with my explanations and answers to your questions! I love talking about it and never tire of it!

Speaking of the "mysterious path" I mentioned earlier: One friend even compared it to the mystery of pregnancy: Although different in a lot of ways, adoption really is much like the uncertainty of pregnancy: wondering "when, exactly" it will happen...where will I be when nature (or, in our case, the universe, and the country of Korea!) decides it's time for us to be parents...what will it be like to hold my child for the very first time...to feel those tiny little fingers curling around mine...will I, like so many other parents I've talked to, think to myself, "I can't believe they are letting us leave the hospital (or, in our case, the airport) considering we don't know what the &*&**&* we are doing!" Ha ha!

I have grown as a person, and I have definitely grown as a potential parent. All the books I've been reading and classes we've been taking have really gotten us on the road toward being prepared. That being said, I know that we won't know what hit us until it hits us! But bring it on. Bring it all on: No one can scare me with their warnings that "you will lose your freedom," "you will have no life and no time for hobbies/interests/yourself," "your life will change FOREVER," etc. Folks, I am SO ready for my life to change! And I'm so ready to not know what hit me. I want to feel what it feels like to have love in its purest, most innocent, most joyful form just whack me over the head. I can't wait to fall in love with our child and experience all the ups and downs, twists and turns that parenthood presents.

And on that note, Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate Christmas. Happy Hanukkah to all of my wonderful friends who celebrate Hanukkah. And I hope people aren't offended if I lump the rest of the December/January religious holidays into one big "Happy Holidays to All!" May 2009 bring you many warm and wonderful blessings.

And, on a more selfish note, may 2009 also bring Jeff and I our baby.

I probably won't post again until early 2009. Last-minute holiday stuff--you all know what I'm talking about, I suspect!

Huge hugs,
Kathleen

I Hate Math

OK, I have to amend my last blog posting: As my dear friend Carol just pointed out to me, come Monday I will not be entering my fourth decade of life--but rather, I will be entering my fifth. My husband the scientist will not be surprised by this error one bit!

I have one thing to say. Hey, I'm a word girl: I hate math! Mainly b/c I can't do it...as evidenced by my error in simple addition/subtraction.

Rather than getting further depressed by this news, I think I'll choose to still stay young at heart! No worries, Carol...you didn't burst my bubble. Maybe deflated it a little bit, but no bursting.

God, I hate math. There it goes, screwing up my elegant prose and filling my blogs with factual errors!

Aloha--We're Back!

Hi, everyone! We are back from Hawaii--jet lagged and exhausted (it's only 8:00 a.m. Hawaii time, and I'm definitely still on that--despite us forcing ourselves to stay awake till 11:00 last night to get back on East Coast time). We had such a blast! Beyond a quick recap (see below), there's too much detail to go into on this blog. Maybe I'll include snippets of stuff here and there, in the months to come. But suffice to say: Flying on 9 different planes in just two weeks was well worth it!

Some highlights of our Hawaii adventure:

--swam with dolphins in Kona on The Big Island (I have pictures to prove it!)(I was on my own for that one; swam with a mother-daugher duo: Iwa [pronounced "Eva"], who is 37, and Pukanala, her daughter, who is 5. Their skin feels like the softest of worn leather that you can imagine. I was quite moved by the experience.
--did morning yoga outside in the mountains of Kauai
--toured the island of Kauai via helicopter (amazing views!)
--rode a high-powered, fast Zodiac boat up and down Kauai's NaPali coastline (picture 4,000-foot cliffs smack at the shoreline and that's NaPali)
--kayaked the Wailua River in Kauai and then hiked to a waterfall and swam in it
--stargazed at the summit of Mauna Loa (14,000 feet!)
--saw/hung out on a gazillion Hawaiian beaches, all of them beautiful beyond description or belief
--stayed in a "hale" (thatched hut, elevated like a treehouse!) on the Big Island, right near the beach
--did lots of hiking/walking
--took about 1,000 photos. Seriously. For once, I am not exercising what is known as "hyperbole" (which is my nickname to many), or "exaggeration for dramatic effect." I really, truly, honestly did take about 1,000 pictures. Yikes! I promise I won't share them all; only the really good ones!

THE ELECTION
We were at Bubba's Burgers on Kauai when we got the news that Obama won the election. We were so moved. Having purposely avoided the news all day long (it would have been too nerve-wracking to bear, plus we were on vacation, trying to relax!), we were anxious to check in. We walked in to cheering, and we soon discovered why. I asked the woman: Any news yet? She smiled and cried and told me that Obama had won. People in his home state are SO PROUD of him! They joke that to them, he is not just the first African American president, but the first Hawaiian president! Ha ha! We walked in at 6:00 Hawaii time (which is 11:00 EST), just after they announced Obama had won. There was a whole lot of hootin' and hollerin', cheering and laughing and crying (tears were streaming down my face as I experienced this hisoric moment for our country: in Obama's home state, nonetheless! The woman behind the counter and I exchanged tearful conversation and high-fives!). We were celebrating with complete strangers, over burgers and fries and shakes! It was quite a memorable experience. If this burger place served beer, I would've had one! Something amazing happened in America on that day: It will live on, for all of us, as one of those days where we'll all remember where we were and what we were doing when we got the news. Now I pray that Obama can lead us to the change we so desperately need--and so clearly want. Not just for us, but more important, for our children.

ADOPTION
Speaking of children: The wait goes on. No news as of yet. We missed the Catholic Charities Adoption Celebration, which is held every November at a Korean church in Baltimore (in case you didn't know it, November is National Adoption Month!). Several hundred people showed up with their kids to celebrate adoption and the cultural traditions of the various countries that Catholic Charities works with. It's such a cool-sounding event: We'll go for sure, next year, hopefully with our very own child in tow!

WHAT'S NEXT?
So, what's next for us, you ask? After a whirlwind year, thankfully not much. Now that I have absolutely no annual leave left, Jeff and I will be hunkering down and enjoying the holidays with family--both here and in PA. And we'll be getting the baby's room ready, starting to move into that full swing. I have to clear it out and paint it. We already have some furniture in there. Starting now, I'll be saving most if not all of my annual leave for my maternity leave in 2009. If the "bad news" is that we are still waiting, then at least the "good news" is that I think I will have enough time to build my annual leave back up!

This holiday season, I'm going to be focusing much less on material things and more on being grateful for what I already have--amazing, loving family members (especially my husband) and good and true friends. What better gift than the one that all of you give to me every day, simply by being in my life?

OTHER THINGS
I've recently secured a regular yoga class at the newly opened Olney Yoga on Sunday evenings (it's a gentle yoga class, if anyone's interested). So that makes three yoga classes I'm teaching a week, besides being on several sub lists for yoga studios in the area. It's a step in the right direction for me--I truly see yoga as a vocation, a calling--I love it that much! And I hope to someday be 100% true to that calling. But for now, it's still a side thing--and one that brings me so much happiness!

Oh, yeah: Did I mention that I turn 40 this coming Monday(Nov 24)? It kinda blows my mind but not necessarily in a bad way. Yes, definitely in a "where-the-hell-did-the-time-go" kinda way as well as a "I-need-to-stop-associating-'40'-with-'old'" kinda way, but not in a "counting my days" or "I-have-so-little-time left" kinda way. Birthdays are meant to be celebrated, and I'll be busy celebrating mine, for sure!

Contrary to what many people say when they reach a milestone age like 40, there is so very much to look forward to! Life is really, really good, and I am having fun. Through yoga, I have discovered that the present moment is a truly delightful place to be! I am blessed with good people in my life.

So on Monday, when I clock into the first day of my fourth decade on this earth, I know that I will be thinking much of what I am thinking right now: That there is so much to do, so many fun days and moments to look forward to! And that I am as young as I feel.

Considering I swam with dolphins just 2 days ago, I think I'm doing pretty darn good.

Huge hugs to all of you who make my life the joy that it is. And if you're reading this, YES, this means YOU!

Kathleen

Child Care Class Was Great!

Hi, everyone! Lots has been going on. That child care class was really great...again, it was so good to not have to endure sitting in a class with women who are pregnant. It's still tough being around pregnant folks. So this class was a welcome relief, and it addressed not only general baby-care stuff, but also adoption-specific stuff. They had weighted, biracial babies to pass around, and we did hands-on diapering, among other things. She started to explain to us how to do it, and I raised my hand and said, "Wait a minute. Back up. How do you tell the front from the back?" She laughed and said, "Good point, for you new parents out there. The tabs go back to front." I didn't even know THAT!!! That'll change quickly, and I'll soon be Quick Draw McGraw when it comes to changing poopy diapers. But for now, I have the big old "C" on my forehead for CLUELESS!

The adoption-specific stuff we learned was interesting and extremely relevant: For example, did you know that most Korean babies sleep on the floor and don't even know what a crib IS? It's not like they are mistreated or anything...they are clean and warm, just on the floor...for some Korean foster moms, it's just the way they do things. Often, the foster mom will sleep right there beside them! So when you go to put them in the crib for the first time, they may be like, "What the hell is THIS? I'm in a CAGE!" and may put up a fit. So for the first week, couples adopting from Korea are advised to put their child in their crib to sleep/nap but to then lie on the floor beside them until they are asleep, to let them know that we are there and that they are safe. CC says that it usually only takes a few days for the baby to get used to the crib and to see it as their place to rest and sleep, a safe place, and after that first couple of days, Mommy or Daddy doesn't need to be in the room with them. I never thought a sleeping bag would be a desired addition to the decor of Baby Halverson's room! At least, temporarily.

The class was run by our caseworker, Margie, and a woman from Silver Spring, MD, who is a nurse at the V.A. in DC as well as a mother of 4 (3 of whom are adopted). She actually referred us to a pediatrician's office in Olney, Dr. Miller (she takes her kids there!), so we plan on contacting that office once we get the referral, so that Dr. Miller can review our child's records and photo(s) to make sure that he/she is indeed healthy as stated on the forms. We've also gotten some names of other doctors' offices from several friends who live in Olney. As usual, word of mouth is the best thing for something like this!

I also have my name on three day care lists thus far. (In this area, the sooner you get on a list, the better!) And there are several others that I plan to check out.

That's it, for now. Stay tuned for my next post (which will happen as soon as I find the time to write it) about the latest update on our "wait" (which is already very quickly becoming a new "four-letter word"!).

And thanks for continuing to check in. Your visits make me keep blogging, just when I think no one really reads this thing. It means a lot to me, to know that you care enough to make time to do this.

We leave for Hawaii in just FOUR DAYS! WHOO-HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Hugs to all!
Kathleen

Child Care Class on Sunday

Hi, everyone. Not much news here. We are attending an Infant and Toddler Care class at Catholic Charities this Sunday from 9 to 1. Several of our new friends who we've met through Catholic Charities are going. It should be fun. Gulp. Reality is setting in already!

Then, after that, at 3:00, one of my new friends, Sara (they just picked up their second child, Amanda, from Dulles Airport about two weeks ago!), is having a playdate at her house in Olney--and she has invited Jeff and me, as well as the other couple who lives in Olney (Mary Clare and Marty just got their referral--their daughter Cara will be coming to them in a couple of months!!!).

This is a rare opportunity for Jeff and I to socialize with about eight different families, all of whom have their kids at home and some of whom are waiting for Kid #2. All of them are members of my friend Sara's adoption cohort, and they do a once-monthly playdate. Most of them have--yup, you guessed it--little boys adopted from Korea! The playdates are in various towns nearby from month to month. So, Sunday will be devoted to all things adoption! I'm so excited!

Besides that, we'll be spending the next week or so getting ready for our big trip to Hawaii. I'm getting so excited, but I have so much to do between now and then! We have never, ever traveled on vacation for two weeks, and now I'm kinda seeing why. There's a lot of stuff to do (making sure the house is taken care of, the dog is kenneled, the mail is being handled, the bills continue to get paid, and then there's work--I'm actually intentionally ahead at work and hope to keep it that way! But working like a fiend in order to accomplish that!). We are aiming for the goal of "no laptops" on this trip, so we can truly relax! If we need to access the Internet, there will be plenty of opportunities to do so, I have a feeling!

Happy Monday!
Kathleen

Example of CC's "Monthly Korean Update"

So, here's an example of the "update" we get every month from Catholic Charities. This is the most recent one we received: the October 2008 monthly update. As you can see, it's kept intentionally vague, but does help to keep us informed and to know that even though we don't feel like much is happening, there really is quite a lot happening--and we are just waiting for our turn! Read below if you are interested.

Monthly Korean Adopters Update

October 2008

This is the seventh in a series of periodic updates that we will send you regarding the status of adoptions from Korea.

Referrals: We received the assignment of two healthy infants this month (one boy and one girl).

We currently have 19 families waiting for the assignments of children. Sixteen are waiting for the assignment of a child of either gender (which means they will most likely be matched with a boy), and three families are waiting for the assignment of a girl. Families waiting for the assignment of a girl have typically waited 15 months for a match. Families waiting for the assignment of a boy have typically waited 11 months for a match.

Travel/Arrivals: Two families traveled to Korea in September to pick up their children. Holt has temporarily relocated their office as their neighborhood is undergoing government mandated upgrades! They will be able to move back to their neighborhood -- -- but to a newly built and designed building -- in about two years. This gentrification means that their Guest House must now be partially used for office space, and consequently the availability of the Guest House has been limited for our families. This is a loss for our parents, not only financially (because the Guest House costs are about 1/3 that of the local hotels) but also because it limits their opportunities to interact with other adoptive families.

Holt still provides van service for families from the airport to the hotel of their choice, and from the Holt office to the airport on the day of their departure from Korea. Several of our families have taken the opportunity to travel to their children’s cities of birth, and Holt has provided interpreters when they visit the hospital or clinic where their child was born.

Grandparents' Night: A Smashing Success

Well, last night was the much-anticipated annual Grandparents' Night at Catholic Charities. Their tiny room was packed full of parents-to-be and THEIR parents! My folks drove down from Scranton, PA, and Jeff's folks drove up from Manassas, VA. It was fun...they really educated our parents about adoption--the process, how being a grandparent of an adopted child is different from being the grandparent of a birth child, what to expect, how to help when the child is finally at home with Mom and Dad, etc. One of the most important things that Catholic Charities educated our parents on is "airport etiquette." When the child arrives, or when the parents arrive with their child at the airport, the first thing that every grandparent wants to do is to hold the baby. Margie, our caseworker, explained to them that this is a HUGE NO-NO. The reason makes perfect sense: Already, this kid has been passed from the arms of a nurse/doctor to the arms of a foster mother to (perhaps) the arms of an escort (if the child is being escorted to the U.S.) and finally to the loving arms of Mom and Dad. But if there's a lot of passing of the child at the airport (and when we arrive home), the child is STILL not going to know who Mom and Dad are. Not a very good thing for Mom and Dad, or for baby, for that matter! Margie asked, "So how ELSE can you help?" People started shouting out very good answers: Do the laundry. Make phone calls. Send emails announcing the good news. Walk the dog. Clean the house. Make dinner." (Heck, all of these sound GREAT to me! Bring it on!)

Our parents were able to meet and socialize with Margie, our caseworker, which was something that was so important to us. We converse so regularly with her (mainly over email and at parents-in-progress meetings) that it was important that our parents get to know her, too. All four of our parents participated actively, raising their hands and answering questions, and asking Margie some excellent questions as well. As we left, all four of our parents were raving about what a great time they had and what an excellent session it was. They said it was so informative, and in my Dad's words, "I learned so much about adoption tonight! More than I ever thought I would learn."

I took photos of us out to dinner before we left, and then took a photo of all of us sitting there at Catholic Charities, waiting for the evening to begin. These are some of the first photos that will be in our child's "lifebook"!

Have I explained the lifebook yet? A "lifebook" is an adoption thing; it's a scrapbook/memory book that traces our child's life journey, from as early as we can possibly manage, so that as our child grows, we can share with them the story of our journey to her or him and the important milestones along the way. We may not have photos of their birth, but we do have a lot of other meaningful things we can include. A lifebook can include everything from photos (including that magic "first photo" we'll get with the referral!) to airline tickets to cards/letters to pictures of Korea. It basically shows the child that he or she has an important and unique identity and their very own story to share with the world! It also shows them that adoption does not make them "different" or "less than" their peers: It simply shows them that they are as special as any other little boy or girl, and here's how.

All right. Back to work. Just wanted to share how things went last night. It meant so much to have my parents there (they drove 4 hours yesterday and then turned around and drove 4 hours back home today when I left for work!). Plus, the six of us don't get to spend time together very much, so everyone enjoyed the time we were able to spend together.

Talk to everyone soon! Have a great week. Probably no more posts this week.